The Hall of Fame for Crazy Old Men

Since 1994, Shady Acres has recognized excellence in the the fine senior citizen art of wrecking havoc across our great country. Whether they are harassing their care givers, producing non stop guilt treatments to their families, or just acting inappropriately, these fine men represent the best of senior citizen communities across the land. Getting old may suck, but these gentlemen are an inspiration to us all to make our final years full of fun and mischief. Here are this year’s inductions to their Hall of Fame:

–Old Blue was banned from a record 22 Hooters restaurants due to inappropriate touching of waitresses.

–Still complains about not being able to set the clock on his VCR, even though he has not used it since 1996 and it is not even plugged into the wall.

–Regularly wanders out of restaurants without paying and when confronted just acts confused and disorientated.

–When he gets mad at his children, he sends his grandchildren a drum set or various other loud musical instraments.

–Gramps likes to go to local Home Depots and Lowes and take a shit in one of their model toilets.  He then proceeds to complain that the bathroom is not stocked with toilet paper.

–When conversations get boring to him, he just pretends to take a nap.

–Enjoys clogging up supermarket aisles with his slow cart driving and insists on calling all their workers “Sonny.”

–Even though he knows better, he still stuffs all birthday cards with a five dollar bill and instead uses his money at the local nudie bar.

–The Colonel is known for purposely telling the same story numerous times and keeps track of how many times he can get away with it without being corrected.

–Still holds the record for walking to school in the snow, uphill both ways of course, at 753, even though he grew up in sunny California.

–Likes to confusingly walk into Ladies Rooms for kicks and is the number one contributor at several cell phone submitted “upskirt” websites.

–Successfully bribed the cable guy to get his buddies and him free access to the pay per view porn movies.  As a added bonus, he was able to set it up that the nursing home administrator would be charged for their movie selections.

–Pa is famous for disputing the bill with ever purchase he has made in the last 5 years.  Most of the time, even though he is completely wrong, he gets what he asks for just to shut him up.

–Is responsible for triggering Silver Alerts in 3 different states.

–Has caused a record 4 census workers to quit.

–Holds the iron man record for wearing the exact same sweater for Christmas (16), without his family being able to burn it.

–Smelly’s specialty is causing riots on buses as people scatter to get far away from his stench.

–He is actually a multimillionaire, but enjoys watching acting like a homeless person during the day.

–Has not took a shit in his own house in over twenty years.

–Was kicked out of his previous nursing home for setting up and running a prostitution ring.

–Gums is a very generous tipper.  Not only does he leave a couple of extra bucks, but he almost always leaves his dirty dentures as an extra surprise to his waitress.

–Causes a near riot at the movie theater when he continually insists that the price of the movie should be ten cents instead of ten dollars.  Sometimes they just let him in for the dime.

–Likes to torture his children with threats that he will not include them in his will unless they do various tasks like wash his car or do his laundry.

–Has been cited three times by police for dressing up like Santa Claus and pretending to work for the Salvation Army.