The Red Stapler Chronicles

Have you ever watched a commercial with a celebrity and just thought, “Wow, what a perfect fit. I could totally see that celebrity actually using that product”? Michael Jordan and Nike, MC Hammer and Cash For Gold, and Shaq and IcyHot–all are perfect examples.

But somewhere out there in advertising land, there are a group of celebrity endorsement ideas that were created with much creativity and ingenuity but just couldn’t find their way to any type of advertising media. These unfortunate ads have been suffering in agony, completely unseen to the general public. Until now. I have just returned from the land of misfit celebrity endorsement and will now share what I saw.

Kim Kardashian recently had a little sun burn problem.  This “size 2″ hottie cold have been a star for Coppertone.

If anyone knows what the hell is going on with Joaquin Phoenix, please contact his agent immediately.  Apparently, there is some type of reward.

Cookie Monster has been eating devouring cookies for years, why not take advantage of this.  If PBS had any brains they would take advantage of this and then I would not be subjected to another lame pledge drive ever again.

Kirstie Alley was going to be the Nutri System spokeswoman, but it turns out resistance is indeed futile.

Can you picture Rain Man being freaked out by the flashing blue light and smashing it followed by a scene with Wal-Mart’s dancing smiling face?

Lidnsay is considering staring in a Vegas “Peepshow.”  Can porn really be that far away?

Billy Mays here, saying that no stain can match up to Oxi Clean’s stain removal problem.  Take Monica’s stained blue dress, Oxi Clean will take that right out.

If the gloves don’t fit, just get the next size up.

I was debating whether or not this was going to be a ketchup ad or the snuggie, but this picture sealed the deal.  Who can forget this famous scene for the Soprano’s Pine Barren’s episode.

Sponge Bob Squarepants lives under the sea, but if Bounty did, there would be no sea–just a really wet bounty.

Before Rihanna became the new poster girl for abuse, it was all about Whitney.

Winona takes advantage of all the good sales!!!

Some people think the Germans invented the Sham Wow.  Wrong!!!  Winston Wolfe (Pulp Fiction) has been using it for years to clean up various messes.

Chris Brown really showed Rihanna the power of UPS.

Are there any Celebrity Endorsements that I missed?  Let me know.

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