How Chutes and Ladders has Corrupted our Youth

Chutes and Ladders, originally known as Snakes and Ladders in England, was introduced to the United States in 1943 by American board game pioneer Milton Bradley.  The game was supposed to teach a little morality to our youth by showing the effects of good and bad deeds.  Instead, Chutes and Ladders has been  responsible for corrupting millions of American children with contradictory messages, unjust punishments, and causing severe psychological damage.

What am I talking about?  Consider the following examples taken directly from the game:

Intended lesson–Don’t show off while ridding your bike.

Why did they have to choose an African American little boy for this lesson? That’s blatant racism Milton Bradley!! Also think of the thousands of kids will real talent who could have been X-Games stars. Instead, these robbed children were taught that doing tricks on your bike is wrong and a 4-space punishable offense.

Intended lesson–Don’t play ball in the house.

With the current salaries in Major League Baseball being so rediciously high, is this the message we really want to send?   Also, this series of events really tricks our youth into underestimating the value of things.   Is a kid really going to have enough money in his piggy bank to cover the costs of a window?  Very Doubtful!  As a side note, this is the first documented case of a negative activity occurring while someone is wearing a baseball hat backwards.  Think about how mainstream that idea is today.

Intended lesson–Little Girls should bake a cake.

And then we wonder why many boys grew up with the notion that woman belong in the kitchen baking them cakes??  Did this little girl have permission to bake this cake?  Should she be operating an oven at her age?  Think about how many fires were started across America by little girls trying to duplicate this 10-space feat.  Finally, as we will discuss later, it is interesting that baking a cake is viewed as a positive thing, while eating chocolate or a freaking cookie is viewed as a negative.

Intended lesson–Don’t eat an entire box of chocolate.

Although I agree with this message, I think the penalty is WAY too severe.  Losing 38 spaces for going a little overboard on the chocolate is clearly excessive.  It is this type of thinking that leads to millions of Americans developing eating disorders every year.  Plus, here is the first example of the contradictory messages that Chutes and Ladders sends to our youth.  It’s okay to bake yourself an entire cake, but you can’t have a couple pieces of chocolate.  For shame!!!

Intended lesson–Don’t be a sneak and eat a cookie.

And now we get to the single biggest punishment in Chutes and Ladders–a devastating 63 spaces!!!  What was this boy’s crime?  Did he steal.  Did he fight?  Did he torture an animal?  Nope.  All this poor kid did was use his creativity to climb an obstacle to eat a cookie.  WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If his parents had not stupidly put the cookie jar in such a hard to get to place, the entire cookie jar breaking incident could have been avoided.  Terrible parenting here.  All children know that the “good stuff” will be hidden or placed in a high place.  Think about where you found your first playboy?  The liquor in the house?  The matches?  Perhaps if the cookies were left in a normal location, the child’s desire to eat one would be decreased.

Intended lesson–Don’t draw on the walls.

Again, what is with the blatant racism?  Are we surprised that many of our inner cities are now littered with graffiti?  This type of behavior was learned, and it was learned from Chutes and Ladders.  Moreover, it is also easy to see why the Arts are so poorly funded in this country.  Anyone who shows any type of artistic ability as a child gets put back 20 spaces.

intended lesson–Don’t try to do too much at once.

This poor little girl is just trying to do a good thing by putting the dishes away.  Just because she was a little overambitious, she pets punished 43 spaces.  43 spaces for trying to do the right thing??? Next time you wonder why your kids don’t want to help do the dishes, you’ll know why.

Intended message–I have to be honest here, I don’t have a clue.

This one truly baffles me.  What is the  good deed that you can do that makes you automatically win the game?  Help an old lady across the street?  Help your mom clean the house?  Complete all your homework early?  All Wrong.  Instead, entering a dog in a pet show is the ultimate good thing you can do.  Can someone explain to me why this is a a positive thing?

Intended lesson–Reading comics instead of your assigned reading is bad.

Very good lesson here.  However, the use of the dunce hat sends a defeatist message to our children.  This type of negative re-enforcement in schools is why the United States does not have a top-rated educational system.

Intended lesson–If you see a cat stuck in a tree, help get it out.

No one can argue that saving a cat from a tree is a good thing. However, is it really worth 56 spaces and worthy of the most lucrative reward in the entire game? I think not. Chutes and Ladders shows that it is more important to help animals than to help a fellow human being.

Intended lesson–Eating will make you grow big and strong.

What a tease for those children who are just destined to be short.  Can you imagine the millions of children who believe if they just ate their entire dinner, they would become their ideal height.  Yes, Chutes and Ladders is to blame for the phenomena called the Bobby Brady syndrome in which children will do just about anything (including trying to stretch themselves on monkey bars) to become taller.

Intended lesson–Gardening can produce some nice results.

Advancing 37 spaces for a little gardening–please.  Maybe if she grew something that could help her parents lower their grocery bills like tomatoes or carrots I would feel better about this situation.

Intended lesson–Be nice to dogs

This really is a nice idea in theory, but would you really want your child conducting medical treatment on your dog?  Just what we need, thousands of kids thinking they have the expertise to heel woulds on animals or even other people.

Intended lesson–Obey No Skating signs

Obviously, the lesson is not debatable.  Still, one has to be baffled over the mild punishment given.  Lose 21spaces for risking your life.  Lose 38 spaces for pigging out on some chocolate.  Chutes and Ladders’ punishment fits the crime–FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!

Intended lesson–Hard work pays off

Let’s get real here.  This poor kid probably spend hours mowing some old ladies lawn with an ancient piece of equipment.  Yes, he made a couple of bucks and that is great.  Enough money to go crazy at a fair or amusement park–not so much.  If he was lucky in made enough money to go on like 2 rides and get a small soda.   I can’t imagine how many children out there saw this scenario and tried to make some extra money to go to the county fair, only to face the harsh reality of price gouging of a $6 hot dog.

Intended lesson–No good deed goes unrewarded.

What a cruel message to send to our youth.  I remember attempting to return a man’s wallet as a child.  The first thing he did was accuse me of taking money from it and did not get a dime as a reward.  Furthermore,  Chutes and Ladders again demonstrates a contradictory message regarding food.  Stuffing your face with chocolate–BAD.  Stuffing your face with ice cream is GOOD as long as you did a good thing.  And we wonder why we binge eat when we are depressed.  Thanks a lot Chutes and Ladders!!!

Intended lesson–Don’t play in the rain.

Give me a break.  He wore his rain coat and boots.  This scenario is a perfect example of the “wussification” of America.  The people responsible for this punishment are the same people who are trying to ban dodgeball in our schools.

Intended Lesson–Doing your chores will get you an allowance.

Okay, I really don’t have a problem with this one.  But Chutes and Ladders is still evil!!!!!!!!!!

Intended Lesson–Don’t torture your pet.

Ahhhh, the prime example of the Chutes and Ladders punishment not fitting the crime.  20 spaces for animal abuse???  No wonder Michael Vick didn’t think dog fighting was a big deal.  A 20 space punishment in Chutes and Ladders is roughly equivalent to a 1 game suspension and 50 hours of community service.  If I were Vick’s agent, I would be looking into a lawsuit against Milton Bradley for making Chutes and Ladders so unrealistic.