As the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico gets worse by the second, the execs at BP seem clueless on how to stop the leaking oil well. Many have called for the government to intervene and take over the entire cleanup. I for one agree.
President Obama should use his executive power and force BP to merge with a couple of different companies in order to fix this fiasco. As a matter a fact, Obama should use this opportunity to help the general public by forcing a couple of other companies to merge.
Here are some examples of mergers you can expect to hear about in the near future:
BP and MTV
Who better to use up all the spilled oil and grease than the cast of The Jersey Shore? Here is the situation: Have the show relocate to Louisiana and let the cast use the spill on the hair styles. Problem solved.
BP and Sham Wow
Just let Vince do a series of demonstrations of this German engineered miracle, and the oil spill would be history.
BP and Kotex
Hmmm. As oil continues to gush out of the ocean floor. . . Make your own joke here.
BP and Nickelodeon
Yes, send SpongeBob Square Pants to the rescue! I even took the liberty to re-write the SpongeBob theme song to commemorate this event.
Oh! Who lives in the pineapple under the sea
SpongeBob Square Pants
Absorbent and yellow, he’ll bail out BP
SpongeBob Square Pants
Oil is no match for the man with square pants
SpongeBob Square Pants
The Gulf will be cleaned, saving fish and the plants
SpongeBob Square Pants
Okay, that is enough about BP, what about some other companies that should merge to help us all out?
Toyota and Duct Tape
There is no more need for the recall. A little Duct Tape will solve the problem.
McDonald’s and Lipitor
Part of Obamacare will be that every Happy Meal will contain some Lipitor. No more unnecessary trips to the doctor or emergency room for clogged arteries will equal less taxes.
Taco Bell and Pepto Bismol
Run to the Border=Run to the Toliet Think about all the people that would benefit from this merger. Rumors are out there that the toilet paper industry is actively lobbying against this merger.
Ford and The Salvation Army
Ding Ding Ding! Ding Ding Ding! Come donate money to help feed the hungry, help out victims of disasters, and bail out Detroit.
Cialis and Scrubbing Bubbles
After getting down and dirty in one of those bath tubs, you are going to do a little clean up before the next Cialis session,
Disney and Cash for Gold
Want to take your family to our over priced theme parks? We can now help you out a little by melting down your gold at the ticket line. Receive a dwarf-like payment of the actual value of your goad while we charge you $8 for a Coke.
Did I miss any mergers that would help us all out? Let me know.
McDonald’s drive-thru therapy…describe your problems while you order your food…get your medication prescription along with your burger & fries…if you need more time to vent, come right in the store for an extended session while you chow down
This is my second attempt to contact the responsible party or parties relating tp the BP oil spill problem.
I am pretty sure that my idea will work, in fact, must work. But it is imparative that some person or persons contact me at the above e-mail addres so that I can discuss my “Funnel Link” method. I am noy ashamed to say that my idea came as a result of days researching the possibility using my garden hose and other material. Using this idea with steel which can produce 20 times more pressure against the force that is oozing out, it is guranteed to work.
Please contact me using the e-mail address above, or call me at
The Nuke idea sounds like a joke, and is as crazy as a bedbug. I am sure it would cause more health problem than what we are presently having.