An Idiot’s Guide to Fix the Economy
Today at work, there really was only one major topic discussed–the stock market and the economy. Everyone wants to know if we will ever be able to retire, what bank will fail next, and if we are about to descend into a second depression. But don’t worry America, I have come up with a simple plan that will quickly get us out of this recession and restore the stock market to it’s previous highs in no time.
1. Sell Advertising Space on politicians. Every time the president makes a speech, he be required to have some type of ad on his suit, be wearing a sponsor’s hat, and maybe even a temporary tattoo ( I bet GoldenPalace.com would be interested). Total estimated revenue–$100 million
2. Instead of wasting money on an election that he will already win, Obama should use the millions that he plans on spending on a 30 minute commercial and just give it to the government. In addition, since McCain is going to lose anyway, he should not bother wasting another dime as well. Total estimated revenue–$400 million
3. Effective immediately, install webcams in the country’s 10 most violent prisons. Allow consumers to pay 19.95 a month to be able to spy on prisoners, watch some great riots, and other exciting day to day activities. It would be the ultimate reality show. Total estimated revenue–60 million
4. I’m sure all of you have noticed that all of our sport stadiums and arenas are named for a corporation (ex. Invesco Field, Citizens Bank Park, Miller Field). Well, why not do this for the White House and other government buildings–Microsoft Mansion on Pennsylvania Avenue, The Toyota Torch on the Statue of Liberty, and the Johnson and Johnson Space Administration are just some quick examples of some easy money for our government. Total estimated revenue–$500 million
5. Some might argue that eliminating NASA should be on this list. However, I would argue that NASA could start paying for itself with a couple of changes. FIrst, NASA should start letting the filthy rich hitch rides on the shuttle. They could easily charge $20 million per trip. Next, NASA needs to start selling moon rocks and other such goodies they have collected over the years on ebay. Lastly, NASA should be put in charge of selling the naming rights to the planets (Planet Starbucks could actually become a reality)and stars. Screw all those existing star registries, NASA should declare themselves the only real source and they could easily make millions. Total Estimated Revenue–$500 million
6. All executions will now be on Pay Per View with a simple 50/50 revenue split. 50% of revenues going to victim families, 50% to Uncle Sam. There are enough sickos in this country that would watch. Total Estimated Revenue–$50 million
7. Establish a 10% national porn and adult toy tax, especially targeting internet porn. Talk about a captive audience, perverts around the nation will thoughtlessly shell out a few extra bucks to keep up with the latest Melissa Midwest Episode, buy the Fleshlight 2.4, or rent the newest Jenna Jameson movie. Total Estimated Revenue–$400 million.
8. Uncle Sam needs to seize the distribution rights for Baywatch (I think this is actually legal via the Patriot Act) and then make it our #1 export. Can you believe Baywatch was ONLY syndicated in 148 countries? Anytime we have a disagreement with another country, all we would have to do is threaten to cut them off from our government run Baywatch feed, and a solution would certainly be imminent. Total Estimated Revenue–$1.2 Billion
Okay, I have come up with the first 8 steps that will generate $3.21 billion to help fix the economy.
Any other great ideas out there?
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Filed under: Economy, Election 2008, If I were King, Just for Fun, Taxes
perhaps someone in the government will read your post an take some of your points
take some cut from McDonald’s restaurant
you can make a tone of money
Daves last blog post..Museums in Orlando
Hehe, great guide indeed. I really don’t remember that i have read something more interesting recently.
On the other hand, no matter how stupid it sounds, some big fishes could really get use from reading it to make at least some ideas on how to fix our said economy.
Milenas last blog post..Designing for Kids in the Bathroom
With the world going to Hell in a handbasket, your solutions are some of the best I’ve seen. Will check with my marketing agent to see how far and wide I can Stumble, Reddit, Digg, Propeller, etc.
Jack Paynes last blog post..Con Man’s and Politician’s 10 Commandments
I like the NASA idea. Richard Branson is gonna steal all the US money!
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I think Congress should become “Pay to Play” for every million dollars of our tax money that Congress wants to spend, each member of Conress would have to kick in a buck of their own money. So for the 700 billions dollar bailout bid - We would have collected about $700,000 from each Congress member. Not only would we have immediately made about 359 million back on the bailout - Maybe, when they have some cash money on the line, Congress might not be so willing to pass spending bills.
OK someone is going to ask, what if they can’t afford to vote on a spending bill? That’s the point. Maybe when they can’t afford it, they’ll realize we can’t either.
So far some good additional ideas, any other ideas out there?
we should definitely just tax you guys
It’s amazing to me how many people dont know the basics about the economy, thanks for taking the time to review the basics.
I honestly can’t believe that the presidential candidates spend that much money on their campaigns. Is it really that necessary?.
Tom - Recession Proof Jobss last blog post..Top 10 Recession Proof Jobs
@ DAVE
I think that would be the smartest thing to do. Take huge franchises like that and just get a small cut. One small cut from a lot of people is a lot of money
Thats really a good post on economy
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LOL
Thats really Great Idea
really? Baywatch in 148 countries? that has to make it the most popular show ever..?
Siberian prison use would provide Billion$ to our economy. Start an agreement with Russia. We send our prisoners to them to serve their time in a Siberian prison camp. Pay them the going rate to house, feed & care for our prisoners. I am sure they would work much cheaper than what we now pay to keep people imprisoned. If we are going to export jobs… lets export prison jobs. We could save literally Billion$ of dollars by exporting our prisoners and improve the World economy at the same time.
I’d like to talk about “drill baby drill”, a slogan of the McCain Campaign.
I work for the power industry and have recently helped to expand the Meeker Substation in northwestern Colorado to provide power to electric heaters so that oil companies there can remove the oil from the shale with new technology. Oil Shale Exploration Corp. said they are already producing 4,000 barrels a day from the experimental plots lease to them by the government. And with the current price of oil this is most certainly… worth the effort.
It is reported that there is more oil in the Colorado-Utah-Wyoming area alone, then all of Saudi-Arabia. So that 3% tid bit from Obama at the debate was absolute malarkey.
There is also oil off the coast of Virginia, off the coast of Florida, in Alaska, and an estimated 10.3 billion barrels of oil off the coast of California, which is hurting badly for revenue at the moment.
So what is “drill baby drill” going to do for the American people?
*REMOVE US FROM OUR DEPENDANCE IN THE MIDDLE EAST* Is there a better benefit then this?
*CREATE MILLIONS OF JOBS* literally… millions. We will need people to provide power to the rigs, drill,transport the oil and people to refine the oil; literally millions of jobs.
*CREATE THOUSANDS OF NEW TAX PAYERS WHO ARE AT THE MOMENT DRAWING UNEMPLOYMENT*
*PAY OFF MILLIONS OF HOME LOANS* this is soooo important, I’m going to say it one more time. *PAY OFF MILLIONS OF HOME LOANS*
and
*LOWER THE PRICE OF FUEL*
If you think this is a bad idea then vote for Obama, he has repeatedly voted against off shore drilling.
People… please… adjusting taxes will not fix our economy, but instead, raising taxes on those that provide jobs is only going to make matters worse for us. We need jobs right now. We need John McCain.
Actually the best thing to do for the economy right now is vote Obama =)
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I really like the first one, sell advertiser space to politician,right now it is a great way to earn money.
A really cool post.
i must say a great idea with cool article
I know your intent was to be humorous–but there are actually some really good ideas there. My favorites: the webcam in the violent prisons and the porn tax.
But I question your thesis that there is something wrong with the economy. Warren Buffet is buying stocks. Why? because this is one of the times when he really likes to buy: when popular opinion (herd mentality) says things are bad. So there is definitely something right with the economy if Buffett is buying. Everyone I know is going to work everyday. Sure, I’ve heard about layoffs. But I don’t actually know anyone who has been laid off. The economy is made up of each and every one of us going to work every day and then spending most of our dollars at the mall. And making our house payments. Let’s face it: most of us are still paying our house payments every month. It’s been said that “in every adversity is the seed of an opportunity of greater or equal benefit”. If that’s true (and it was said by Napoleon Hill who spent 20 years of his life interviewing rich people) then there must be some awfully good opportunities available right about now. Warren Buffet thinks so. Take a look around. Maybe there’s some opportunity for you, too, to take advantage of.
link to my site
I have to admit I used to love Baywatch! The sun the sea the costume, loved it! Its better than some of the depressing crap they have on TV today!
[...] An Idiot’s Guide to Fix the Economy [...]
lolz…great idea to incorporate. Blogger has suggested a wonderful name for this post. if we take it as a non serious way to fix the economy then it seems really great.
Cheers!!
I laughed at the post, but you know what - it makes perfectly good sense! I think it could all work! Now, how do we get Uncle Sam to endorse and enforce it?
Julies last blog post..Hershseys Good Night Kisses
Wow those were all great ideas. Especially the cam for spying on prison inmates! I enjoy watching mixed martial arts like the UFC, and I hear that a good old fashioned prison shanking can be quite the hoot!!! LOL
Quite an interesting one…i must say!Although it makes you laugh at some points, but actually makes a lot of sense.Good work.
I am hypnotized by the woman’s forehead with the golden palace tattoo. I just keep repeating to myself why, why, why…
also, #8 is hilarious. South America and Germany loves them some Hoff.
9. Regulate and tax online gambling - Estimated Revenue: $3.3 billion (from online poker alone) If you add in casinos and games like blackjack, slots, bingo, etc you could probably boost that to $10 billion
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I have to say your ‘installing webcams in the prisons’ sounds great!! I would definitely pay a monthly subscription for that one lol!!!
or rent the newest Jenna Jameson movie
I laughed for about five minutes! Thanks a lot for that. Became your rss reader.
Kevin Cs last blog post..Porsche Cayman
Looks like I have found some great candidates to be part of my cabinet in 2012.
very interesting tips, you seems not an idiot rather the genious who tells but others dont take action like this, i think this is a great deal that through these tips economy can be really get power
Prison web cams and porn tax! Brilliant! I guess fixing the economy just takes some thinking outside the box. I think that Presidents should give golf tips for a fee, since almost all Presidents seem to like and play golf. Haha. Excellent post!
Nick (Golf Tips)s last blog post..Erik Compton-Latest Golf News
I have an idea what would help turn the economy around in a hurry before it affects holiday shopping any more than it has too. Take the 700 billion dollar bail out package & subside fuel. If we cut fuel prices to $1.00 a gallon nation wide for at least two years it would give people more money in they’re pockets & start spending again. The economy would change and would help the auto makers sell vehicles. This is from a business owner’s perspective. This is a quick summary of my idea.
take some cut from McDonald’s restaurant
you can make a tone of money 
Baywatch in 148 countries? that has to make it the most popular show ever..? 
haha those are some out of the box ideas, very good stuff
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I love the idea of exporting prisoners to Russia to serve their time. Considering the cost of housing them I think this would be a great way to cut costs.
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I like idea about porn and adult toy tax! Sounds awesome and crazy at the same time!
Maybe they can increase gambling taxes. Like people that play bingo to make easy money.
Great article! How about combining tips number 3 and 7 - installing web cams on country’s 10 most pervert persons? Total Estimated Revenue – $480 million
I got a great ideal on how to get the economy going,also get out of our deficit and also promote jobs.
Here it is! Let all prisoners,except murderers, out .We could save millions of $,and instead of taking care of them at a cost 60,000 per head, give it to us poor people. Every unemployed can get a job as a policeman to go and catch them again.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
LOL . congrats to the author of this article. Options 3 and 4 could have a great audience but I really like point 6. Sponsoring the White house, Congress.
Hi,
Your ideas are good actually,
ss we all know global economy is bad nowadays but i hope it will be recover soon.
LOL
Thats really Great Idea
Oh come on, maybe Baywatch didn´t help the recession but it helped the economic depression. xD
I will not debate with your decisions because I think you’re right on the money! You have put together a coherent case for your sentiments and now I know more about this special topic. Gives Thanks for this astonishing post and i will come back for more.
Totally EXCELLENT!!!!! GREAT IDEAS - The initial ones and also…the following ones. I really believe they could work. I would kindly suggest…..let’s all try to find an idea on how to get our congress and politicians to check out these great ideas and start doing something useful about them.
Dan
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Great article! How about combining tips number 3 and 7 - installing web cams on country’s 10 most pervert persons? Total Estimated Revenue – $480 million
Your ideas are good actually,
ss we all know global economy is bad nowadays but i hope it will be recover soon.
Wow those were all great ideas. Especially the cam for spying on prison inmates! I enjoy watching mixed martial arts like the UFC, and I hear that a good old fashioned prison shanking can be quite the hoot!!! LOL
Those guides are really funny specially guide #3. If that would become a reality it will be the prison’s version of Big Brother. It would be the most amazing show on tv. I also love the idea on the 10% porn tax. It would be nice since the porn industry earns a lot of money and they earn it through their dirty ways so why not charge them with tax to compensate the things they do.? It should not only be 10%. It should be higher.