The most common question that people email me, is how I got into blogging.  As life usually is, the answer is complicated.

My blogging roots can really be traced to a night in June of 2005. Around 4:00 am on June 11th, I awoke to smoke in my apartment and then screams. The apartment next to mine was engulfed in fire. By the time the fire department was able to control the fire, my apartment was completely destroyed. Since I am a complete idiot (and had just switched to Geico to save money on my car insurance, voiding my “package deal” that included renter’s insurance), I had no insurance. DOHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckily for me, my family, friends, and co-workers had my back and helped me get back on my feet (and then some). Still, I was motivated to quickly replenish my savings. As a result, I started researching different ways to make money online. After browsing through countless scams, I found a couple of GPT sites (Get Paid To) that seemed legit and I skeptically gave them a try.  I started doing research studies, completing offers, and referring other people to these sites and I actually started making some money.  No, I wasn’t getting rich, but it was nice to earn some extra money (To see how much money I made, and what programs I used, check out my Current Earnings page .

Now to really make money with these GPT programs, you have to be able to refer others.  I was able to do this by putting my affiliate link on multiple message boards on Myspace and other sites.  Eventually, GPT programs began to ban members who basically spammed message boards like I was doing, so I was forced to find another way to get referrals.  Creating crappy websites on domains like freewebs is how I accomplished this task.

While benchmarking how other top GPT performers were making their money, I discovered the power of blogs in 2008.  Although I was intrigued by how these bloggers were able to generate referrals and make money with advertisements, it seemed like blogging would eat up too much of my time.  But the blogging gods apparently wanted me to start writing, so they caused me to end a six year old relationship:)  Consequently, I now had a lot of free time on my hands and was out of excuses.

Even though I always enjoyed writing, I was not sure if I would last more than 10 posts.  But stupid ideas for posts seemed to keep entering my head.

And the rest is blogging history.  . .

No, this is not some type of story about a massage parlor in Chinatown.

Instead, have you ever wondered what happened to your favorite nerdy characters after the movie ends?  Did they end up with the cliched ending of marrying the cheerleader and having 6 children?  Did the years of torment cause them to gun down a group of shoppers at the local mall?  Are the now serving as the CEO of a major company?

Well, wonder no more.  A group of internet entrepreneurs led by Paul Pfiefer, Arvid Engan, and Vinnie Delpino are set to launch a new website called MrScreetch.com that will chronicle all the best nerdy scenes in cinema history.  More importantly, the site will include a “Where are they now?” section which was leaked to The Red Stapler Chronicles by a disgruntled web designer.  Here are some of the highlights:

Louis Tully from Ghostbusters–Louis is still married to Janine (the former secretary) and now serves as CFO of Ghostbusters Incorporated.  In 2008, the couple celebrated the birth of their third child.  Winston joins brother Egon and sister Zuul in this happy family.  Louis still makes some supplementary income by making appearances as the fifth Ghostbuster from time to time,

Eugene Felnic from Grease–After divorcing Cha Cha DiGregorio for infidelity in 1999, Eugene married Frenchie in 2003.  Eugene is now a famous video game designer for Protovision and the happy couple live in Sunnydale, California.

Lucas Blye from Lucas–Lucas became a millionaire at age 16 after successfully suing the football coach and school district for letting him play without parental consent.  Unfortunately, this was not enough to lure his beloved Maggie from Cappie.  But don’t shed any tears for Lucas.  He is now a prominent Entomologist at UCLA and is known to “tutor” a different co-ed every semester.

Chuck Sherman from American Pie–Those who payed attention to the sequels know that the Sherminator is now a successful guidance counselor and YES, he is still with Nadia.  What you probably don’t know is that Sherman recently launched a webcam site (staring Nadia among other hotties) that has made him millions.  Chuck is also considering running for Governor of California.

Wyatt Donnelly from Weird Science–Finally started going through puberty in 2003, Wyatt is thoroughly enjoying himself with the local dating scene and his answering machine currently states that he is taking a shower with his latest Lisa.  Wyatt designed the software that most plastic surgeons use to simulate the results of a breast enlargement.

Napoleon Dynamite–After dating Deb throughout High School, the sweethearts went to different colleges and could not make it work.  Luckily for Napoleon, Lafawndu introduced him to her sister, Malkeisha who was very impressed with his killer dance moves.  Napoleon and Malkeisha were married in 2008 and just welcomed their first child, Rico, to their family.  Also, Napoleon plans to serve as Pedro’s campaign manager for the Idaho state senate.

Data Wang from The Goonies–Data ended up following up in his father’s footsteps and become a prominent inventor.  Among Data’s more successful inventions–The Ipod, the Kindle, and of course the Sham Wow (german engineered my ass!!!).  More recently, Data financed a journey to find One Eyed Willie’s secret treasure stash in the South Pacific.  The Discovery Channel plans to broadcast this modern day treasure hunt on a new reality show planned for the fall of 2010.

Klitz for The Girl Next Door–Two words:  Porn star.  Enough said.

Kyle Edwards from Road Trip–Married college sweetheart Rhonda in 2004.  The two now run a very successful plus size risque lingerie company called Cheetah Wear.  Named to the Ithica Hall of Distinguished Alumni earlier this year and is being considered for next years Dancing with the Stars.

Pee Wee from Porky’s–After 20 years of courting her, Pee-Wee finally convinced Wendy Williams to marry him in 2002.   Pee-Wee is now owns a successful night club of his own in Angel Beach named Balbricker’s Beauties.

Spaz from Meatballs–Finally gave up on his attempt to make “stacking” an Olympic event, Spaz has now assumed 100% control of Camp Northstar.  Under his leadership, Camp North Star has defeated Camp Mohawk in the last 7 Olympiads.  Spaz also made history as one of the first Americans to have Lasik surgery.

Ronald Miller from Can’t Buy Me Love–Did buy a new telescope after graduating from high school and majored in Astronomy at the University of Arizona.  Ronald now works on a classified project for NASA.  Ronald is a proud supported of the arts and donates thousands to PBS every year.  And yes, he is married to Cindy Mancini

Do you remember the Garbage Pail Kids trading cards? First released in 1985, these trading cards were designed to make fun of the nation’s Cabbage Patch Kid mania. Each card featured a Garbage Pail Kid character, with some comical abnormality and/or suffering some terrible fate, and a humorous, word play-rich character name.

Recently, executives at Topps trading cards released some of the Garbage Pail Kids that just were not good enough to be published.   Here is a sampling of some of them:

Chutes and Ladders, originally known as Snakes and Ladders in England, was introduced to the United States in 1943 by American board game pioneer Milton Bradley.  The game was supposed to teach a little morality to our youth by showing the effects of good and bad deeds.  Instead, Chutes and Ladders has been  responsible for corrupting millions of American children with contradictory messages, unjust punishments, and causing severe psychological damage.

What am I talking about?  Consider the following examples taken directly from the game:

Intended lesson–Don’t show off while ridding your bike.

Why did they have to choose an African American little boy for this lesson? That’s blatant racism Milton Bradley!! Also think of the thousands of kids will real talent who could have been X-Games stars. Instead, these robbed children were taught that doing tricks on your bike is wrong and a 4-space punishable offense.

Intended lesson–Don’t play ball in the house.

With the current salaries in Major League Baseball being so rediciously high, is this the message we really want to send?   Also, this series of events really tricks our youth into underestimating the value of things.   Is a kid really going to have enough money in his piggy bank to cover the costs of a window?  Very Doubtful!  As a side note, this is the first documented case of a negative activity occurring while someone is wearing a baseball hat backwards.  Think about how mainstream that idea is today.

Intended lesson–Little Girls should bake a cake.

And then we wonder why many boys grew up with the notion that woman belong in the kitchen baking them cakes??  Did this little girl have permission to bake this cake?  Should she be operating an oven at her age?  Think about how many fires were started across America by little girls trying to duplicate this 10-space feat.  Finally, as we will discuss later, it is interesting that baking a cake is viewed as a positive thing, while eating chocolate or a freaking cookie is viewed as a negative.

Intended lesson–Don’t eat an entire box of chocolate.

Although I agree with this message, I think the penalty is WAY too severe.  Losing 38 spaces for going a little overboard on the chocolate is clearly excessive.  It is this type of thinking that leads to millions of Americans developing eating disorders every year.  Plus, here is the first example of the contradictory messages that Chutes and Ladders sends to our youth.  It’s okay to bake yourself an entire cake, but you can’t have a couple pieces of chocolate.  For shame!!!

Intended lesson–Don’t be a sneak and eat a cookie.

And now we get to the single biggest punishment in Chutes and Ladders–a devastating 63 spaces!!!  What was this boy’s crime?  Did he steal.  Did he fight?  Did he torture an animal?  Nope.  All this poor kid did was use his creativity to climb an obstacle to eat a cookie.  WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  If his parents had not stupidly put the cookie jar in such a hard to get to place, the entire cookie jar breaking incident could have been avoided.  Terrible parenting here.  All children know that the “good stuff” will be hidden or placed in a high place.  Think about where you found your first playboy?  The liquor in the house?  The matches?  Perhaps if the cookies were left in a normal location, the child’s desire to eat one would be decreased.

Intended lesson–Don’t draw on the walls.

Again, what is with the blatant racism?  Are we surprised that many of our inner cities are now littered with graffiti?  This type of behavior was learned, and it was learned from Chutes and Ladders.  Moreover, it is also easy to see why the Arts are so poorly funded in this country.  Anyone who shows any type of artistic ability as a child gets put back 20 spaces.

intended lesson–Don’t try to do too much at once.

This poor little girl is just trying to do a good thing by putting the dishes away.  Just because she was a little overambitious, she pets punished 43 spaces.  43 spaces for trying to do the right thing??? Next time you wonder why your kids don’t want to help do the dishes, you’ll know why.

Intended message–I have to be honest here, I don’t have a clue.

This one truly baffles me.  What is the  good deed that you can do that makes you automatically win the game?  Help an old lady across the street?  Help your mom clean the house?  Complete all your homework early?  All Wrong.  Instead, entering a dog in a pet show is the ultimate good thing you can do.  Can someone explain to me why this is a a positive thing?

Intended lesson–Reading comics instead of your assigned reading is bad.

Very good lesson here.  However, the use of the dunce hat sends a defeatist message to our children.  This type of negative re-enforcement in schools is why the United States does not have a top-rated educational system.

Intended lesson–If you see a cat stuck in a tree, help get it out.

No one can argue that saving a cat from a tree is a good thing. However, is it really worth 56 spaces and worthy of the most lucrative reward in the entire game? I think not. Chutes and Ladders shows that it is more important to help animals than to help a fellow human being.

Intended lesson–Eating will make you grow big and strong.

What a tease for those children who are just destined to be short.  Can you imagine the millions of children who believe if they just ate their entire dinner, they would become their ideal height.  Yes, Chutes and Ladders is to blame for the phenomena called the Bobby Brady syndrome in which children will do just about anything (including trying to stretch themselves on monkey bars) to become taller.

Intended lesson–Gardening can produce some nice results.

Advancing 37 spaces for a little gardening–please.  Maybe if she grew something that could help her parents lower their grocery bills like tomatoes or carrots I would feel better about this situation.

Intended lesson–Be nice to dogs

This really is a nice idea in theory, but would you really want your child conducting medical treatment on your dog?  Just what we need, thousands of kids thinking they have the expertise to heel woulds on animals or even other people.

Intended lesson–Obey No Skating signs

Obviously, the lesson is not debatable.  Still, one has to be baffled over the mild punishment given.  Lose 21spaces for risking your life.  Lose 38 spaces for pigging out on some chocolate.  Chutes and Ladders’ punishment fits the crime–FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!

Intended lesson–Hard work pays off

Let’s get real here.  This poor kid probably spend hours mowing some old ladies lawn with an ancient piece of equipment.  Yes, he made a couple of bucks and that is great.  Enough money to go crazy at a fair or amusement park–not so much.  If he was lucky in made enough money to go on like 2 rides and get a small soda.   I can’t imagine how many children out there saw this scenario and tried to make some extra money to go to the county fair, only to face the harsh reality of price gouging of a $6 hot dog.

Intended lesson–No good deed goes unrewarded.

What a cruel message to send to our youth.  I remember attempting to return a man’s wallet as a child.  The first thing he did was accuse me of taking money from it and did not get a dime as a reward.  Furthermore,  Chutes and Ladders again demonstrates a contradictory message regarding food.  Stuffing your face with chocolate–BAD.  Stuffing your face with ice cream is GOOD as long as you did a good thing.  And we wonder why we binge eat when we are depressed.  Thanks a lot Chutes and Ladders!!!

Intended lesson–Don’t play in the rain.

Give me a break.  He wore his rain coat and boots.  This scenario is a perfect example of the “wussification” of America.  The people responsible for this punishment are the same people who are trying to ban dodgeball in our schools.

Intended Lesson–Doing your chores will get you an allowance.

Okay, I really don’t have a problem with this one.  But Chutes and Ladders is still evil!!!!!!!!!!

Intended Lesson–Don’t torture your pet.

Ahhhh, the prime example of the Chutes and Ladders punishment not fitting the crime.  20 spaces for animal abuse???  No wonder Michael Vick didn’t think dog fighting was a big deal.  A 20 space punishment in Chutes and Ladders is roughly equivalent to a 1 game suspension and 50 hours of community service.  If I were Vick’s agent, I would be looking into a lawsuit against Milton Bradley for making Chutes and Ladders so unrealistic.

To all 37 or so of you  out there that will celebrate the first annual Red Stapler Day, I wish you the greatest day possible.   May your boss be sent away for a month for some corporate re-education.  May you be greeted with the arrival of a brand new copy machine and printer.  May the most annoying person in your workplace be fired for a same-sex sexual harassment claim.

To learn more about Red Stapler Day click the logo below

Now no holiday would be complete without its on song so . .

I’m dreaming of a Red Stapler
Just like the one that Milton had
Where the monitors glistens
and no one listens
‘Was last scene on the old mouse pad

I’m dreaming of a Red Stapler
With every TPS I write
May your flair be merry and bright
And tell all you bosses
to fly a kite

And remember, the second annual Red Stapler Day will be held June 7th, 2010

So how did Twitter rise to popularity?  Many believe that Twitter was invented in 2006.  Nope.  In reality, Twitter has been around for over 600 years and has helped millions of people communicate in 140 characters or less.  Here are some of Twitter’s best moments throughout the years:

PrezAbe I can see down that woman’s dress from up here.  God I love the theater!!!

4/14/1885 from txt

ZapruderFlicks I got the best view of the president’s motorcade.  I’m so going to put this film on Youtube.

11/22/1963 from mobile web

DorothyGale @TinMan @Scarecrow OMG!!!I can you  believe what a p*ssy the lion is being??

8/25/1939 from Munchkin Web

ChiefTafino Why does that stupid white man named Columbus keep on calling us Indians?  There goes the neighborhood. I’m not giving them any of the good corn!

10/12/1492 from Tweetdeck

KingKato RT @thejuice Anyone know a good criminal lawyer?  Also, check out this funny post http://tinyurl.com/4e3727

6/17/1994 from web

TheW–@dickcheney Now what should I do?

9/11/2001 from AirForce1 web

DaveyCrockett @SamHouston Now would be a good time for those reinforcements!!!!

3/6/1836 from txt

TheGipper I like this Gorbachev fellow, but what is going on with that thing on his head?

11/19/1985 from web

NasaBuzz WTF!!!! Why does Armstrong get to go first?  One small leap my ass, now I am going to have to deal with one giant ego!!!

7/20/1969 from txt

Ghandi To all my followers, I will not update again until the British get out of India.

3/22/1933 from Tweetdeck

TheOtherCorleone @MoeGreen No problem man, you knew ole Fredo would hook you up.  Just don’t let my brother know.

2/4/1959 from web

MWallace @Jules @VVega Get your ass over here, and bring a blowtorch.  Zed’s going down!!!

12/17/1994 from txt

TheRealPrincess–@Luke @C3 @R2 @Lando Is it just me or does Chewbecca really stink today?  Han is going to have to talk with him!!

A long time ago from Empire Web

DrHannibal Had the best dinner tonight, very tender meat.  @clarice Want to come over for a bite?

5/13/1991 from web

LtDanTaylor Just met the two stupidest people on the face of the earth!!  What kind of name is Gump anyway?

6/5/1967 from TweetDeck

MartyMcFly RT Take the Red Sox to win it all this year.  Trust me.  @DocBrown Don’t worry, i fed Einstein his favorite.

2/13/2059 from TwitWatch

“Wait - would you rather live in the ascendancy of a civilization or during its decline?”–Revenge of the Nerds

To really answer this question, use the United States as an example.  Would you rather have traveled the Oregon Trail, hoping to avoid dysentery, shooting buffalo for food, and praying that your wagon axle does not break?  Or would you rather sit on your ass eating four different kinds of combo’s watching Judge Judy? Decline by a mile!!!

“Are those sad tissues or happy tissues?”–Forgetting Sarah Marshall

Take it from a large group of subject matter experts–both tissues are kind of sad.

“If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?”–Fight Club

We were not really sure about this one until the entire Joaquin Phoenix fiasco proved that this is in fact true.

“Alright, alright, Mickey’s a mouse, Donald’s a duck, Pluto’s a dog. What’s Goofy?”–Stand by Me

Perhaps no question in modern day history has been debated so feverishly.  Is he a man, after all he drives a car, walks upright, and talks.  Is he a dog, with his flappy ears, canine teeth, and the fact that he just looks like a dog?

Because of lame answers from Disney executives this mystery was not truly put to rest until February of 2006.  Relaxing with his family after the Pro Bowl, NFL quarterback Michael Vick got into an altercation at Disney World.  Authorities report that Vick was unhappy with one of the Disney mascots bumping in to him while in line for Space Mountain.  The identity of the mascot, you guessed it–Goofy.  Case Closed he is a dog!!

If you could go back in time to Germany, before Hitler came to power, knowing what you know now, would you kill him?–The Dead Zone

Of course.  But don’t forget to place a couple of bets before you get back in the DeLorian.

When a person is insane, as you clearly are, do you know that you’re insane? Maybe you’re just sitting around, reading “Guns and Ammo”, masturbating in your own feces, do you just stop and go, “Wow! It is amazing how fucking crazy I really am!”? Yeah. Do you guys do that?–Seven

Nope.  Instead, they tend to become Scientologists.

Do you have to be depressed to write a sad song? Do you have to be in love to write a love song?–Almost Famous

No, all you need is expanded cable.

Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?–Animal House

Yes, the guy who took over for Hitler (after you killed him) was more of a navy guy and the Germans concentrated on the Pacific front rather than Europe.  However, the German’s attack on Pearl Harbor only served to “wake the sleeping giant” and the Allies emerged victorious in WWII

Is the colonel’s underwear a matter of national security?–A Few Good Men

Unless we are talking about Colonel Sanders (Going commando is against most state’s restaurant sanitation laws), no such provision exists in any law including the Patriot Act.

So how long do I wait to call?–Swingers

2 days? 3 days? A week?  More research is needed on this on so, okay, we lied.  Some questions still have not been answered.

I would like to take this opportunity to all those who have already supported Red Stapler Day by discussing it or placing a badge on their blog.  You will not be asked to come in on Saturday and will receive a prototype of the all new “Jump to Conclusion” game plus a subscription to Vibe.

For everyone else, it is not too late to help promote the first holiday in 83 years not to be created by some greedy greeting card company.

Turns out, to my great surprise, that a Hall of Fame does exist.   Established last year (2008) in memory of the great Morris Buttermaker, (who tragically fell into an empty pool he was trying to clean–authorities say this BAC level was three times the legal limit), the Buttermaker Hall of Fame honors the greatest coaches in cinema history.

Currently, Buttermaker is the only member of this Hall of Fame, but that is about to change.  Board of Director members Kelly Leak, Ahmad Abdul-Rahim, Tannar Boyle, Timmy Lupus, and Rudi Stein have announced that the general public will be invited to nominate and vote on the 2009 class.

Before I get bombarded with complaints, there is one rule for this hall of fame–the coach can not be based on a real person.  As a result, great coaches like Herb Brooks in Miracle, Hermann Boone in Remember the Titans, and Coach Gary Gaines from Friday Night Lights are not eligible.

The following are my selections along with a case for and against each candidate.

Bobby Finstock, Head Basketball Coach for the Beacontown High Beavers

Pros–Led them to the state championship in 1985.  Always there to give his kids advice on and off the court such as: “There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.”

Cons–Never really fully utilized Chubs in the post and went without a winning season once Scott Howard graduated.

Norman Dale, Head Coach of the Hickory Huskers

Pros–Coach Dale stressed fundamentals instead of shooting and demanded tough defense.  Inventor of the Picket Fence, Dale was always able to get his shooters free.  Also served as coach of the Division 3 National Champion Ithica Warriors.  Won the 1952 Indiana High School Basketball Championship against power house South Bend Central 42-40 on a Jimmy Chitwood jumper.

Cons–Regrettable incident in Ithica in which he struck a player.  Many also argue that hiring Shooter as an assistant coach was not the wisest idea.

Bud Kilmer, Head Football Coach of the West Canaan High Coyotes

Pros–Brought home 22 District Titles and 2 State Titles.  Grateful town even named stadium for him including a Bud Kilmer statue.  Known for developing college ready quarterbacks and wide receivers.

Cons–Could not keep up with the modern athlete’s needs and whispers of racism (especially via his use of running backs) plague his records.

Swifty, Head Basketball Coach Saint Vitus High School

Pros–One of the first coaches to embrace the fast break, also alowed his players to express their creativity using behind the back passes.  Coach Swifty was very generous with his team, often buying them post-game meals.  Finally, Swifty demanded a certain moral standard for his team, as he strictly forbade them from stealing from the opposing team.

Cons–Criticized for not being in the dark about his team’s substant abuse problem and fought persistant rumors of improper contact with former students.

Molly McCrath, Head Football Coach for the Central High Wildcats

Pros–By establishing a rigorous strength and condition program that included aerobics, Coach McCrath was quickly able to mold her new team into winners.  Led the perennial losing Wildcats to a championship in 1986.

Cons–Accused of bribing her players by former lineman Phillip Finch and criticized for not using Woody Harrelson’s character (Krushinski) more in the slot.

Pete Bell, Western University Dolphins Head Basketball Coach

Pros–The constant motivator, Bell invented the four man motion offense. Only had one losing season at Western.  Won 2 national championships and 8 conference titles in his illustrious career.  Great at helping big men with their footwork.

Cons–Asleep at the wheel while Tony failed TV and practiced point shaving.  In addition, who could forget the Happy recruiting scandal involving Butch McRae, Ricky Roe, and Neon Boudreaux.

Sam Winters, Head Football Coach for the ESU WIldcats

Pros–Led the Wildcats to 6 Bowl Games and one National Championship. Pivotal in developing 1994 Heisman winner Joe Kane’s passing skills.  Starting Darnell Jefferson during his freshman year was also a gutsy move that paid instant dividends in the 1993 season.

Cons–Many wonder how he could not know about Lattimer’s steroid problems and that he should have not caved into alumuni pressure and allowed Bobby Collins to return to the team after a cheating scandal.

Mr. Kesuke Miyagi, Sensei, Miyagi Do Karate

Pros–Helped train Daniel Larusso to the 1984 All-Valley Under 18 Karate Championship.  Using training techniques never seen before including “wax on, wax off” and “paint the fence,” Miyagi quickly transforms Larusso from a punk kid from New Jersey, into a mean, lean, killing machine. It is also rumored that Miyagi had special healing hands that aided in the dramatic recovery of Larusso from  a injury endured in the semifinals.

Cons–Ever wonder how Mr. Miyagi got all those cars?  Yes, he was a distinguished World War 2 vetran, but he was working as a apartment maintence man.  Well, the IRS asked the same question and he was indicted in 1990 for tax evasion–a black mark on an otherwise squeaky clean career.

Murray Chadwick, Head Coach of the Hamilton Mustangs

Pros–This one-time NHL all star led the Mustangs to a Memorial Cup championship in 1986 led by stars Derek Sutton and promising rookie Dean Youngblood.  A former warrior on the ice, Chadwick demands that his players show the same passion when they suit of for him.

Cons–Everyone remembers that ugly incident in Thunder Bay when he knocked out 3 fans.  Critics also say that his power play defenses were nicknamed “Miss McGill’s” througout the league since they were so easy to score on, but this author could not find anyone to go on the recorder to confirm this story.

Jimmy McGinty, Head Coach for the Washington Sentinals

Pros–Always had a eye for talent, was able to put together a replacement team in less than a week that was able to defeat a Dallas team that had all their regular players.  An expert in dealing with the psychological aspect of the game, especially the quarterback position.

Cons–Many still wonder why Clifford Franklin was not used in the Wildcat formation, especially before he learned how to catch.  Also, lost a little face during the Nigel “The Leg” Gruff’s betting scandal.

Coach Klein, Head Football Coach of the Small Corner of Louisiana University Mud Dogs

Pros–Led the Mud Dogs to a Bourbon Bowl victory in 1998.  An offensive genius, Klein was known for his ingenious plays while an assistant for the University of Louisiana Cougars.  However, it was his ability to motivate a defensive player, linebacker Bobby Boucher, that ultimately led the Mud Dogs to a championship.

Cons–Why he waited until the Bourbon Bowl to use Boucher on special teams and offense still puzzles Mud Dog fans around the world today.  Also criticized because the Mud Dogs annually finish dead last in the APR (Academic Progress Report) that ranks all Football Bowl Subdivision schools teams.

Coach Nickerson, Head Football Coach of Ampipe High School (later secondary coach at Cal Poly University)

Pros–A defensive genius, his secondary schemes helped Ampipe lead the conference in interceptions for 5 straight years. Known for his prolific “Together themed” pre-game speeches that emphasized teamwork and the underdog mentality.

Cons–The game against Walnut Heights High will plague Nickerson for the rest of the career.  Why didn’t he just have Rifleman just take a knee instead of handing off to Salvucci, who fumbles and costs Ampipe the game.

Pop Fisher, Manager of the New York Knights

Pros–Led the Knights to the 1939 pennant with the help of slugger Roy Hobbs. The Knights had been stuck in last place for most of the year, but Pop was able to reverse the Knights fortunes.

Cons–Knight fans still argue that Hobbs should have been used earlier in the season, perhaps in a right field platoon with the late Bump Bailey.

Lou Brown, Manager of the Cleveland Indians

Pros–Led the Indians to the playoffs in 1989 with a team of scrappy players and the league’s lowest payroll. Insisted that Willie Mays Hays avoid hitting fly ball, allowing him to leg out an American league high 27 infield hits. A firm believer in fundamentals, refused to accept Roger Dorn’s lackadaisical “ole” fielding techniques at third base.

Cons–Could not get by the White Sox in the ALCS since he was forced to use Rick Vaughn in relief, screwing up his entire rotation. If he would have started Vaughn instead of Eddie Harris, the vaseline ball specialist could have been ready to start game one against the White Sox. The following year when the Indians do make the World Series, it was Jake Taylor that was managing in place of Brown who had suffered a heart attack.

Jimmy Dugan, Manager of the Rockport Peaches

Pros–Led the Peaches to the 1943 AAGPBL World Series versus the Racine Belles. Dugan’s “There’s no crying in baseball” approach continues to be used today all across the nation. Also responsible for teaching Dottie Henson how to spit.

Cons–Could never teach Betty Spaghetti how to hit the cutoff man and was drunk for the majority of the first half of the season. Probably should have let “All the way” Mae Mordabito bat lead off to better utilize her speed.

Gordan Bombay, Coach of the Ducks (formealy known as District 5) pee-wee hockey team

Pros–Led the Ducks to the 1992 pee-wee championship over the favored Hawks via a Charlie Conway penalty shot. Inventor of the Flying V formation and the genius behind the prolific “Oreo” scoring line. Later coached Team USA to a gold medal in the Junior Goodwill Games over Iceland.

Cons–Lost some credibility during the legal posturing of Hawk star Adam Banks. Many felt that Conway should have just let the boy finish the season with the Hawks and his friends and win with the original Duck roster. Was also sued by a family in North Dakota whose son, a hockey goalie, was injured when his team tied him to the cross bar, Goldberg style. The suit was later settled out of court.

Reggie Dunlap–Player/Coach of the Charlestown Chiefs

Pros–Led the Chiefs to the 1977 Federal League Championship after the Syracuse Bulldogs are forced to forfeit. Dunlap’s decision to “goon it up” with the Hanson brothers help increase attendance and give the Chiefs the necessary momentum to make the playoffs.

Cons–After the Chiefs went defunct, Dunlap coached for the Minnesota Nighthawks were he was a complete failure. Dunlap could not adapt to the “no foil” rule and lasted only 2 seasons.

Mickey Goldmill. Rocky’s trainer

Pros–Motivated Rocky to win the Heavyweight Championship of the World from Apollo Creed in 1979. His unique training methods, such as catching the chicken, are still used today. Mickey’s decision to have Rocky fight as a right-hander for the first 14 rounds of the second Creed/Balboa fight confused Apollo and Rocky was able to capitalize when he switched back to a southpaw in round 15.

Cons–Criticized for insisting that Rocky only fight “chumps” once he became champ. In fact, he admitted to Rocky that his opponents were “hand-picked good fighters, but not killers.” Mickey also got into some trouble after the hearing aid that he endorsed in a series of TV commercials were discovered to be faulty and began exploding in victim’s ears.

Waiting for the Vetran’s committee –Patches O’Houlihan from Dodgeball, Coach Joe from Bend it Like Beckham, Chubbs from Happy Gilmore, Anton Pamchenko from The Cutting Edge, “Coach” from Vision Quest, “Skip” from Bull Durham, Larry Hockett from Bull Durham, Ed Gennero from Necessary Roughness, Coach Harris from Revenge of the Nerds, Sal Martinella from Rookie of the Year, and Chester Lee from Lady Bugs

Did I miss any great coaches? Who are your favorites?

Leave me a comment and let the world know.

2009 Buttermaker Hall of Fame Ballot Who is your favorite Movie Coach? Bobby Finstock, Teen Wolf Norman Dale, Hoosiers Bud Kilmer, Varsity Blues Coach Swifty, The Basketball Diaries Molly McCrath, Wildcats Pete Bell, Blue Chips Sam Winters, The Program Mr. Miyagi, The Karate Kid Murray Chadwick, Youngblood Jimmy McGinty, The Replacements Coach Klein, Waterboy Coach Nickerson, All the Right Moves Pop Fisher, The Natural Lou Brown, Major League Jimmy Dugan, A League of Their Own Gordan Bombay, The Mighty Ducks Reggie Dunlap, Slapshot Mickey Goldmill, Rocky View Result free polls

“I am going to . . . . once the recession ends.”

“If we were not in a recession I would . . . ”

Sound familiar?  I am willing to bet that everyone has heard a variation of the above phrases on numerous occasions in the past couple of years.  In fact, if you are like me, you have even used one of them, and used it more than once.

But is the economy really a valid excuse for so many of our problems?  Sure, the economy has troubles and the vast majority of us have felt some negative consequences because of some facet of the recession.  Still, I would argue that most of us are using the “bad economy excuse” in far too many situations.

Let us explore a couple of popular examples:

“As soon as the economy turns around, I am going to look for another job.” Yes, the job market is not that attractive, but that does not mean you completely give up.  Sometimes after a company “reorganizes,” and conducts a layoff,  new jobs are created soon after.  After all, did you really expect the bozo’s that run your company get it right the first time?  One never knows when the right job will come along. However, if your job searching eyes are closed, you could miss this opportunity.

“If we were not in a recession, I would move out of this house.” Is it a great time to sell a home?  Probably not.  But guess what, that truth is your favor whey you buy a new one.  The thousands of dollars below the peak value of your home that you are afraid to lose can be quickly regained by buying a home that is thousands of dollars below it’s pre-recession value.

Once the economy turns around I am going to replace those drafty windows” Of course, any major purchase is that much more difficult to “pull the trigger on” during tough economic times.  Still, when a purchase will eventually pay for itself, there are very few economic situation that should delay it.

Alright, these examples might all seem like “slam dunks,” but my main point still holds true.  The economy may have a bad case of swine flu, but that doe not mean that you should start living in a bubble.  Thus, the next time your are tempted to use the economy as an excuse for something, I urge you to reconsider.

“If you don’t want to do something, one excuse is as good as another.”–Yiddish proverb