I was recently reading an article about some of the most popular Google searches. Not surprisingly, “How to Last Longer” was right up there. Can you imagine all of the millions of dollars are spent on drugs that are designed to help solve this problem?
But I say that drugs are not the answer. Rather, there are some home-made methods that work just as well. Okay, we have all heard some of these techniques: Think of something gross. Pinch yourself in the arm. Think about something that you may have learned in math class.
Let’s face it, all of the above is amateur stuff. Instead, why not exploit the talents of the United States number one industry–Hollywood. Don’t try to rely on your own creativity when you can just steal a scene from a movie or television show. All you have to do is think about one of the scenes below, and your problem will be solved. But be warned, if you don’t quickly get these scenes out of your head, your night will come to a screeching halt.
Without further ado, I present you the top movie/television scenes that are 100% guaranteed (sorry, heterosexuals only) to help you set an endurance record.
Clerks–Dante finds out he is number 37 scene
Just allow your brain to think about your girlfriend/wife going down on 36 other guys. Enough said.
American X–prison rape scene
Can you say 4 stitches. . . It hurts to even think about it
There’s Something About Mary–Zipper Scene
Just think about this happening to you. . Frank and Beans!!!!!!!!
Any scene from the Golden Girls
This one really needs no explaination
Stand by Me–The leeches scene
Go ahead, imagine getting a leech in your underwear.
A Christmas Story–The Pink Bunny PJ’s
Warning–if you are into the Furry movement, then I would move on to the next scene.
Eurotrip–Twins Kissing scene
Warning, if you live in Mississippi, then I would move on to the next scene.
The 40 Year Old Virgin Waxing Scene
Just think of the pain . . .Kelly Clarkson!!!!
Pulp Fiction’s The Watch Scene
Much more dreaded than a colonoscopy, the dreaded hide your watch in your ass for seven years. . .
Seven–The Sloth Scene
Talk about the ultimate torture . .
Seinfeld–I was in the pool scene.
Poor George. Only men really know the power of the pool.
This post is friggin’ great!!! You are a true movie buff!
I really enjoy reading your article. it was really funny!
“I was in the pool”…. “shrinkage”… surprisingly for such a common, and funny, theme no one did any thing with it until Seinfeld. The genius of Seinfeld wasn’t in just the screenwriting but the ability come up with content from every day life that wasn’t covered anywhere else after 50 years of TV.
Jerry needs to stop all his other projects and just make another show about nothing.
The scene from clerks might actualy be even more of a turn on for some people. The george costanza one not so much though.
“The Watch” scene was too much
Seriously I love Tarantino and that scene always make me laugh. All those short movies are great, thanks for posting and I hope that Your advices will be helpful for anyone suffering “the major problem”.
Okay, now when you told me about this blog I didn’t think it was this funny. hahahahaha. lmao. Funny! Guess who this is? Hint: Crazy Asian girl. lol.
Hollywood, probably wins hands down! The American Pie image you listed is a classic.
Classics. It is always a pleasure to watch these scenes again and again, I particularly love the one from Pulp Fiction (I’m a fan of Tarantino too)…
Hahaa the seinfeld one of george was hilarious. Penis shrinkage hits almost all of us. Especcially after “getting out of the pool”
” Instead, why not exploit the talents of the United States number one industry–Hollywood. Don’t try to rely on your own creativity when you can just steal a scene from a movie or television show. All you have to do is think about one of the scenes below, and your problem will be solved. But be warned, if you don’t quickly get these scenes out of your head, your night will come to a screeching halt.”
Are you sure that this is so?