Have you ever been seated on an airplane and said to yourself, “I hope that idiot doesn’t sit by me, I hope that idiot doesn’t sit by me??” If you answered yes, than this post is for you. I now present the 13 most annoying people on airplanes.
Violet Beauregard the Loud Gum Chewer–Willy Wonka fans truly know what I am talking about here. Hey, I get it, chewing gum helps you pop your ears. However, that does not give you to spend the entire flight chewing like a cow and snapping your gum like an idiot. Do you only chew gum on a plane and are unsure about your gum chewing skills? Simply chew a test piece at home in front of a family member or friend and have them tell you if you are an annoying chomper.
The Small Bladder Guy–Especially annoying when sitting in the window seat, this guy will make you get up at least three times per flight. I do have some sympathy for this poor soul, but I will completely lose it and then some if he insists on drinking coffee/soda after coffee/soda. This guy earns double the annoying points when he tries to go when the flight attendants are serving food or drinks and makes them push the cart all the way to the back.
The Drenched in Cologne/Perfume Guy/Lady–Here is a hint–if you have to use a towel after applying cologne/perfume, you might be using too much. Do you really think that the entire plane wants to experience the scent you bought at 75% off from a mall kiosk? Flight attendants should be allowed to “upgrade” people who do this the compartment that stores the toilet waste.
The Seat Recliner–Certainly a controversial subject that could contain enough debate to fill an entire post by itself. However, I believe it violates the Golden Rule. Do you like it when someone reclines their seat and takes up your precious personal space? I seriously doubt it, so why subject the person behind you to this dreaded situation.
The Aspiring American Idol Contestant–It sure is great that you enjoy music and like to sing along. I am sure that your mom is proud of you and tell you all the time about your great voice. Unfortunately, a note from mom does not permit you to annoy other passengers by singing along with your favorite songs on your ipod throughout the entire flight.
The Constant Sniffler–Sure, I’m sorry that you have the Swine Flu, but let me introduce to an old friend of mine–Mr. Tissue. Mr. Tissue, please meet runny nose. You guys should definitely hook up every time you feel the urge to sniffle. It’s not that I don’t like hearing you gargle your own snot, I just like to play matchmaker.
The Severely Overweight Person aka The Augustus Gloop–It does not matter if it is a woman or man, the result is the same–a terrible flight. If you are unlucky to sit next to this person on a plane, you can look forward to your entire row shaking every time they move in the slightest matter, your arm rest to be lost in a sea of arm flab, and a zero percent chance of avoiding a chiropractor visit.
Tom Cruise Reading a Scientology Book–Do I really have to explain?
The Arm Rest Nazi–Allow me to teach some remedial math here. A standard cluster of three seats will have 4 arm rests. The average person has 2 arms, which equals 6 arms total. That means, two out of the 6 arms in a row, will have to live without a arm rest. Most people would agree, that protocol calls for the person sitting in the middle to enjoy both arm rests. After all, the people sitting in the aisle and window seat can lean in either direction without being on top on someone else–a luxury that the person stuck in the middle would give up their first born for.
The Unorganized Packer–Chances are you have encountered this person. They are best identified by constantly having to fetch something that they can’t possible live without from their bag that is stored in the overhead compartment. Here is a novel idea, before you get on the plane, pick the five things that you think you might need. Next, make sure that those things are in the backpack that you have under your seat instead of the suitcase stuffed into the overhead compartment like Kirstie Alley’s behind would fit a size 16 dress. Get the picture?
The Aisle Seat Window Starer–Okay, so you didn’t get the window seat. Yes, it is fun looking out the window seeing the different sights and clouds. Still, this does not excuse you for staring at the window seat for 15 minutes straight making the people in the middle and window seat feel like they are O.J. Simpson in the middle of a Ron Goldman family reunion.
The First Class Hater aka Airline Robin Hood–Yes, it was a little funny when you pointed out that first class passengers are probably enjoying lobster while we enjoy some stale peanuts. But after the 12th grey poupon first class joke, you come across much more bitter than funny. In addition, complaining to the flight attendant that the first class passengers get to keep their can of soda while each coach passenger has to share a can is just plain annoying. Either grow enough brains to smuggle an extra soda on the plane or pay the extra money for first class. Pick one, but just shut the hell up!!
The Porn on Laptop Guy–Even though you think you are being discreet by angling your screen so that the people in your row can’t see what you are looking at, all the people behind you can see what you are watching. Can’t you survive five hours without seeing the latest Bang Bus episode? I assure you Melissa Midwest will still be there once you land.
This post is so true! I’ve experienced many of these people on my plane flights in the past. The seat recliner is the worse, I always make a point of bumping their seat if they lean back too far
LOL.. this post is hilarious and really true!
I have one to add to your list though. As much as I love kids.. I hate when they sit next to me on airplanes. I mean.. if they’re nice and quiet fine.. but try sitting through 4 hours or so next to a child that’s screaming their lungs out.
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That was a great read, very funny. You had me in stitches many times while reading that. I also find the seat recliner the most annoying, I always kick there seat when they do that.
Funny! I don’t fly much, but this definitley paints and image
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LOL I enjoyed reading this article. I dont think I’d have much patience for the seat recliner Guy.
The worst for me is Cologne/Perfume Guy/Lady, that really makes me sick sometimes. Then the superfatties are annoying when you are already cramped. Then the people who are always rustling around with food bags or whoknowswhat and letting their stuff fall out of their lap into your zone.
I must agree with all these, really annoying people to sit with.
Although look annoying, small bladder guy cannot be blamed. I think that’s normal if someone want to go to toilet.
That was hilarious!
If you have a laptop w/ music on it then turn it up really loud & start singing along with it. XD And there was this one time when I was on a plane, and a woman was trying to comfort her baby, so she started making bird noises? D:< It was like freaking 5:00am in the morning…. I was pissed.
I really get embarrassed to find such people on board. The time becomes so irritating.
You have explained it beautifully.
Violet would definately get my vote. I hate gum and I hate talking to people who chew it or blow bubbles with it. What’s the point?
I experienced many similar situations, but during the flight, I try to think about the obligations that expect me and I ignore the events in the airplane.
I spend a lot of time on airplanes and I have experienced almost every single person on this list. I could probably add some more, too, if prodded.
Well that is all truth. It is difficult to stand many hours next to someone annoying. I would also add to that list: man who farts once per minute, a person that is lonely and wants to tell the story of his life to you, kid that is very bored and needs to bother you, extreme sweating person or… a terrorist. I would not be happy sitting to someone who would eventually kidnap my plane! Nope!
Hahaha… i was on the plane to Africa.. i had a bunch of jokers on board..
the left side of me i had a teacher and he was markin his student work thru out the flight! LOL
in front of me i had this woman Who was trying to calm her child down.. and she told her husband to get up so she could sleep on the three seats.. [middle row he listened to her as well.. but she was LOUD.. the people at the back could hear her sshe was like.. ‘calm down’ n when the child is asleep she decided to have an argument with her partner.. dodgy woman
yeah they’re very annoying and the sad thing is you can’t go anywhere to avoid them. I was once sit next to a woman who tried to pursuit me to follow her religious sect.. can you believe that ?! even though i told her that i wasn’t interested she was just keep on talking.. i felt like grabbing a parachute and jump off the plane that time
It is a great post regarding annoying persons in a plane that is correct but some time you have to tolerate it you can do nothing but to stay calm for some time till Landing.
OK this had me in stitches! The seat recliner guy… we have all been there! lol… Hilarious posting… good work!
You forgot the bored 6 year old child who sits behind you and decides that kicking your seat for the whole flight is the one thing that she enjoys doing. And Mom is just glad she doesn’t have to entertain or otherwise be bothered with her kid at all and lets her do it until the bitch in front of her (that would be ME) finally turns around and tells the kid to knock it off. Thanks for letting me do your job, Mom!
This is a funny article yet so true! It’s amazing the people out there that do not realize or even yet, don’t care about the surrounding people.
i think If you fly with rc airplane model, you don’t be annoying by anyone,don’t you?
haha, very good writing had a blast reading it
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This blog post is priceless. That’s all I can say!
It’s people who knee the back of my seat. Ugh.
You forgot to mention two of my favorites: The newborn baby (and subsequent nursing on the plane), and the guy that brings the big pillow that takes up two tray tables. I see you like to fly as much as I do.
there’s always atleast 2 of these every time i’m on a airplane i hate the arm rest nazi the most i just want some where to put my arm sorry
The most annoying for me are seat recliners and crying babies/misbehaving kids.
I also really hate on people who recline his chair. It makes us feel cramped seating.