The Red Stapler Chronicles

When in the course of a Blogs life it becomes necessary for the blogger to dissolve any and all pre-conceived notions on how a blogger should behave, a declaration of independence from conventional wisdom must occur. We hold these truths to be self evident that all bloggers are indeed created equal (except for ProBlogger,  Shoemoney, and John Chow since they are clearly superior), that they are endowed by their creator (wordpress) with certain unalienable rights, that among them are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of good backlinks.

WIth that, I now present you with the Blogger Bill of RIghts:

1. Bloggers have the right to post about any topic their heart desires. There shall be no law passed that prohibits any topic (including dirty ones) as long as excessive caps are not used.

2. Bloggers may fight spam by any means necessary including a well-regulated militia (Akismet) or even throwing rocks.

3. At any time, Bloggers are permitted to leave their original blogger or wordpress.com homes to pursue their god-given right of spending hours trying to transfer their blog to their own host and domain name.

4. Bloggers have the right to conduct as many unreasonable Google searches as they want to see how they rank with specific keywords.

5. No blogger shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except by Google. Basically Google can take away your pagerank or suspend your Adsense account whenever they please and for whatever reason they deem necessary.

6. All bloggers will be immediately forgiven for pointless ranting and raving so long as it does not exceed three consecutive posts.

7. Bloggers are permitted to have three cases of writers block per year in which they post nothing or utter nonsense.

8. No blogger is allowed to be subjected again to dialup, as it is considered cruel and unusual punishment.

9. Bloggers have the right to sell out and add as many advertisements to their blog as they want–as long as their blog is at least 3 months old. If you ignore the 3 month rule, amendment 8 is immediately suspended.

10. All bloggers are responsible to Stumble, Digg, Reddit, or whatever this Bill of Rights.