Ten Celebrities Who Will Die This Year

During my trip to Atlantic city, I noticed that the Boardwalk was littered by three types of establishments:  weird dollar stores, massage parlors, and psychics consultants.  Since I was bored and needed to take a break from donating my money to the casinos, I decided to visit one of the psychics.  Although Olga the Ukrainian psychic could not tell me anything about my future, she did reveal the tragic fate of ten celebrities.  Here is a list of the unfortunate celebs that will meet their doom in the very near future:

10.   Kate Gosselin Why would a seemingly healthy 34 year old mother of 8 be on a list like this?   Does she have any kind of secret ailment?  Nope.  The fact is that she is very likely to be a victim of murder.  My guess is that her Dancing With the Stars partner Tony Dolovani will get sick of all her nagging and complaining and do a tango on her head.

9.  Mike Tyson Just when you thought Mike Tyson was on the right track, his filming of The Hangover 2 will turn tragic.  Once again, Tyson’s tiger will play a big part in the plot.  While feeding his beloved pet, Tyson accidentally mistakenly sprinkles cinnamon on the tiger’s food resulting in the deadly attack.

8.  Nicholas Sparks The best selling author is known for his books that were made into movies including, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, Dear John, and The Last Song. Sparks will be murdered by an angry man who was tired of being dragged to  “chick flicks” and then criticized for not being as romantic as the characters in his movies.

7.  Kirstie Alley It would be too easy to insert a clogged arteries or overweight statement here.  Kirstie will really die because of the new weight loss program that she is promoting, “Organic Liaison” will prove to be unsafe.  The natural weight loss and diet supplements supplied by the system will turn out to cause chronic explosive diarrhea that will lead to her dehydration and eventually her death.

6.  Amy Winehouse Just look at the above picture.  Does this look like a healthy individual to you?  Amy will die when her new eye makeup causes an eye infection that spreads throughout her body.

5.  Tiger Woods No,  I don’t think that Elin will get her revenge.  Nor do I think that one of his extracurricular special friends will go Fatal Attraction on him.   Instead, other members of the PGA tour, sick of fielding non-stop Tiger questions, will find a way to eliminate him.  Expect to hear about a story about how Tiger will perish via a runaway golf cart “accident.”

4.  Dick Vitale He actually did die yesterday, having become overly excited over Duke’s victory over Butler.  It will probably take a while for the authorities to find his dead body since he was so far up Coach K’s rectum.  I would expect the news to hit the mainstream media by August.

3.  Tom Cruise One of the most famous Scientologists, Cruise decides to start his own splinter cult and organizes a mass suicide.  However, after Cruise drinks the Kool-aid first, his followers abandon the plan and leave his body to rot in the California desert.

2.  Oprah Winfrey Will kill herself after hearing about #3.

1.  Lindsay Lohan This one really is a no brainer.  The only real mystery is how she will die.  Suicide? Accidental Overdose?  Having a lethal combination of six different STD’s at once?  As of now it is just too difficult to foresee the exact cause of her death.  What is certain is that even Dr. Drew’s 11th hour intervention could not save poor Lindsay.

Did Olga miss anyone?  Leave me a comment to let her know who else should be on this list!!