During my trip to Atlantic city, I noticed that the Boardwalk was littered by three types of establishments: weird dollar stores, massage parlors, and psychics consultants. Since I was bored and needed to take a break from donating my money to the casinos, I decided to visit one of the psychics. Although Olga the Ukrainian psychic could not tell me anything about my future, she did reveal the tragic fate of ten celebrities. Here is a list of the unfortunate celebs that will meet their doom in the very near future:
10. Kate Gosselin Why would a seemingly healthy 34 year old mother of 8 be on a list like this? Does she have any kind of secret ailment? Nope. The fact is that she is very likely to be a victim of murder. My guess is that her Dancing With the Stars partner Tony Dolovani will get sick of all her nagging and complaining and do a tango on her head.
9. Mike Tyson Just when you thought Mike Tyson was on the right track, his filming of The Hangover 2 will turn tragic. Once again, Tyson’s tiger will play a big part in the plot. While feeding his beloved pet, Tyson accidentally mistakenly sprinkles cinnamon on the tiger’s food resulting in the deadly attack.
8. Nicholas Sparks The best selling author is known for his books that were made into movies including, A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, Dear John, and The Last Song. Sparks will be murdered by an angry man who was tired of being dragged to “chick flicks” and then criticized for not being as romantic as the characters in his movies.
7. Kirstie Alley It would be too easy to insert a clogged arteries or overweight statement here. Kirstie will really die because of the new weight loss program that she is promoting, “Organic Liaison” will prove to be unsafe. The natural weight loss and diet supplements supplied by the system will turn out to cause chronic explosive diarrhea that will lead to her dehydration and eventually her death.
6. Amy Winehouse Just look at the above picture. Does this look like a healthy individual to you? Amy will die when her new eye makeup causes an eye infection that spreads throughout her body.
5. Tiger Woods No, I don’t think that Elin will get her revenge. Nor do I think that one of his extracurricular special friends will go Fatal Attraction on him. Instead, other members of the PGA tour, sick of fielding non-stop Tiger questions, will find a way to eliminate him. Expect to hear about a story about how Tiger will perish via a runaway golf cart “accident.”
4. Dick Vitale He actually did die yesterday, having become overly excited over Duke’s victory over Butler. It will probably take a while for the authorities to find his dead body since he was so far up Coach K’s rectum. I would expect the news to hit the mainstream media by August.
3. Tom Cruise One of the most famous Scientologists, Cruise decides to start his own splinter cult and organizes a mass suicide. However, after Cruise drinks the Kool-aid first, his followers abandon the plan and leave his body to rot in the California desert.
2. Oprah Winfrey Will kill herself after hearing about #3.
1. Lindsay Lohan This one really is a no brainer. The only real mystery is how she will die. Suicide? Accidental Overdose? Having a lethal combination of six different STD’s at once? As of now it is just too difficult to foresee the exact cause of her death. What is certain is that even Dr. Drew’s 11th hour intervention could not save poor Lindsay.
Did Olga miss anyone? Leave me a comment to let her know who else should be on this list!!
Wow! Kevy, Interesting post you have there. lol.
I hope your crazy psychic is right about Mike Tyson..did the media forget that he’s a rapist..or do they just not care?! Oh and I think Amy Winehouse should be number 1!
Where did you get that picture of Amy Winehouse? She looks already dead!!
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Great post. The best one was Oprah Winfrey. It reminded me of the youtube video of her and Tom Cruise… good times.
Wow, you really made some claims here. I guess we’ll see if you were right over the next few months…
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I vote Tyson goes first. I saw a picture of him where he was FAT. ANd he get attersted for crack recently. How can you smoke crack and be fat?
Terrible, I hope everyone healthy and happy.Hope they can come out from suffering.
Such a funny article . Nr. 6 is my favourite
too hilarious!!
Sensation post…just for lough
haha!! are those predictions? haha well.. about tiger woods, it was funny.. hehe, those issues will be the cause of his death… good work.. more of these are jokes i think…like it!
That’s funny, the list should go on to 100 or so, there are many celebrities in trouble these days. When you are popular you are in danger. I like number 5, something similar could happen
I don’t know whether to be sad or scared….
Apparently, most of celebrities started just fine. It is a shame that “Fame” made them forget who they were and how the people used to loved them!
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Hopefully none of these predictions come true.
I like the Amy Winehouse one! Too true…
Cheers.
Poor Lindsey, she just can’t catch a break! Look at that picture!
. It’s sad to see talented people on a path of self-destruction….but to do it in front of the whole world..Man it’s tough being in the public eye
Love the article, simply love it, just came back to get a laugh at the Amy Winehouse picture1
Well i just hope tom cruise is not going to die.. lol
Cheerful Holiday. Let all of your wishes could come real for yourself along with your family members as well as let us expect your next year or so always be prosperous for everyone all of us. Merry Christmas
LOL! Your post is hilarious! And Amy Winehouse looked sick.
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