Ten Commercial Stars Most Likely to Commit a Violent Crime

Ever watch a commercial and get completely disturbed by one of the characters? I certainly have. Made me wonder, which commercial spokespeople would be most likely to commit a violent crime. Here is my list:

10. The FreeCreditReport.com Lead Singer–Let’s look at the facts here. This disgruntled man has a job at a seafood restaurant that he hates, married a wife with terrible credit, has a crappy sub-compact car, and gets stuck at Renaissance Fairs. Clearly, he is time-bomb just waiting to explode on someone. If you enroll in Triple Advantage, you might be spared.

9. The Entire “Snuggle Family”–Anyone that would be caught dead in public wearing matching Snuggle Blankets must be very disturbed. Be afraid, be very afraid.

8. The Verizon Guy–Although he seems like a nice nerdy guy, I think he has stalker written all over him. Think about it, he is always following you with his posse that he calls his network.  Just picture him over you near dead body saying “Can you hear me now” and he stabs you for the 17th time.  Pretty scary stuff.

7. The UPS White Board Guy–This guys long hair and weird drawings just creep me out.  After he murders you, I can picture him using his brown marker to draw an outline of your body and make it look like you are wearing the famous UPS shorts.

6.  Tony Little, The Gazelle Guy–Do I really have to explain this one to you.  Just look at the above picture for more than 5 seconds and try tell me he is a sane person.

5.  Chad’s Alltel Competitors–These guys were once just harmless nerds.  However, after being humiliated time after time by Chad and his Alltel Circle, these guys must be pretty bitter.  Add on the fact that they have to wear those stupid shirts, and we have a reciepe for a mass murder.

4. The E*Trade Baby–We’ll probably have to wait a while for his career in crime to start, but I can just tell that he is going to be major trouble. With his knowledge of the stock market and his natural charisma, he’ll be sure to start his first ponzi scheme in middle school. In addition, one must consider the dubious track record of child stars.

3. Yellow Book Tattoo Removal/Revenge Girl—Without a doubt, the hottest person on this little list. Unfortunately, this women, played by actress/model Alexandra Daddario, had to endure getting an embarrassing tattoo removed and then caught her boyfriend cheating on her. If you watch the commercials closely, you see that she immediately searches for a chain saw to get revenge. Eventually she thinks better of it and choose to three different measures of revenge.

2. Smiling Bob from Enzyte–Have you ever seen this guy without his trademark homicidal smile? I didn’t think so. Even when Enzyte had to pay a $2.5 million lawsuit in consumer restitution, Bob was still smiling. People like that look happy because all day they think about ways kill their enemies in vivid detail. I would stay of his shit list!!!

1. The Sham-Wow Guy–Just in case you missed it, Vince Shlomi was arrested for punching a hooker after he claimed she bit his tongue during a kiss. Now this should not be a surprise to anyone. The Shaw-Wow guy has crazy eyes, pure and simple. If you ever see him on the street, immediately cross and walk on the other side. Unless you want the cops to have to clean your blood of the streets with a Shaw-Wow!!

Did I miss anyone? Leave a comment and let me know!!!!