If you are a regular reader of this blog, you might have picked up on the fact that I work in retail management. Although it does stink to work nights and weekends, this career has exposed me to countless stories that would rival any television soap opera or reality show.
The tale that I am going to share with you today takes place in the jewelry department. Imagine a dashing young man, madly in love with his girlfriend of 2 years, deciding to pop the question to the love of his life. He enters the jewelry department, a section of the store that he has never ventured into, and inquires about diamond rings. He has seen the “two months salary” commercials and is ready to spend his hard earned money. After deliberating for an hour over several rings, he is ready to make his selection. Still with love in his eyes, he does not seem to mind that he has just emptied over 75% of his bank account and he leaves with a big smile on his face.
The next day, the bride to be marches the ring back to the store and has an unusual request. She wants to significantly upgrade the size of the diamond on the ring and she does not want to want her fiance to know. With credit cards involved, this becomes a tricky maneuver, but with a manager’s help, it can be done.
As I was on hold with the credit card company, I was talking to the newly engaged woman and I had to ask her the following question: “Don’t you think that he is going to notice that it is a bigger stone?” She told me that she really loves her soon to be husband and was very grateful that he purchased the ring. However, she felt like she needed to have a ring that she would proudly wear for the rest of her life and assured me that her fiance is so clueless about jewelry and such that he would NEVER notice. Furthermore, she told me that if she was questioned, she would simply say that she got the ring re-sized and when they reset it the diamond just looks bigger. I must say, I could imagine many guys believing this (including me before been exposed to the drama of a jewelry department) account and I suspect that her fiance will never discover the secret upgrade.
The first time the above scenario happened I was pretty shocked. I remember telling myself, this can’t be a normal practice. When it happened a second time, I still thought it was a little weird. But now that I have witnessed it several more times, I no longer flinch when I am called to the jewelry department to handle another secret engagement ring upgrade.
Still, I ask, Is it okay to start off a relationship with this kind of deceit?
Are brides to be justified in upgrading since men are generally so clueless about jewelry?
If “size matters,” how to you let your significant other know?
Is it okay for the woman to help pay for the ring, especially if she desires a little more bling bling?
Would your spouse notice if you made a change with your ring?
How would you feel if you found out that your wife used this tactic?
Leave a comment and let me know!!!!
Always is room for improvement… either get a better ring or get a richer guy. They keep the guy and you keep the secret!
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Woah! I think that it is not right. Let us just be contented on what was given to us. Whatever it is, it must be treasured and not be secretly upgraded.
Are you kidding me? She did that?! Seems to me that most woman are so materialistic these days. I mean it’s the thought that counts. So selfish.
It’s not the thought that counts, it’s the effort. I wouldn’t care if you earned $10,000 a year or $100,000. But if you were on $100,000 and gave me a rubbish ring? Well, that’s different.
Thats not fair. i personally feel it cheating with your guy. Why don’t you contend yourself with the one your guy has gifted you? And this is a lame excuse that men are generally so clueless about jewelry.
Yeah some women are materialistic..and some men are players..the stereotypes go both ways!
@marina Well said–and congrats for being my #1 commentator
Girlfriend is must.If I was on the place of that person I also give my salary for that diamond.Actually diamond is looking nice.I like rings but it is really different.
Sweets I agree with you most women are more materialistic in these days.
not a big fan of materilism myself, but it’s a great story
Personally I think it is slightly ungrateful for someone to do that. I guess as long as she isn’t secretly upgrading her ring with his credit card, it isn’t too bad.
Wow.. that’s wrong. LOL. I’m a chick and I’d never do that.. that’s just really deceitful. Women like this gives us such a bad name.. What a gold-digger.
I find it so crazy that women even care about rings etc. All I care about is that if I have to get married, my marriage works and my husband is happy with me and stays faithful etc. Who cares if the ring is made out of foil wrap?
I dunno.. maybe I’m just a weirdo.
TriNi
I find engagement rings weird anyway. Way back when, engagement rings were basically a deposit—you pull out of the engagement, she keeps the ring as compensation for the damage to her reputation. Do they even make sense anymore?
I feel marriage is a pretty creepy institution to begin with so I guess the end starts at the beginning “that sweet proposal on bended knee”. If you intended to wear an ornament for the rest of your life, wouldn’t you want it to be to your own taste and not something you had to wince and look away every time your eye rested on the thing? Instead of complaining to the guy the ring is too small, some of these savy women are taking care of it and not bothering the love of their life and nobody’s feelings are hurt. If the hubby wanted a BMW really badly and the wife got him a VW Beetle, he’d have that thing gone in a heart beat along with the flower vase in the dashboard, and nobody would be chiding him for being so materialistic. People deserve to have the thing they want (only if they can afford it) so if life can be smoothed out and made a little happier, why not? Who is it really hurting? So sorry for the gals that get the mother-in-law’s diamond chip that is sentimental to the hubby but not in the style the wife would have liked. There’s no winner there.
I definitely think if you have a big ring then your girl will be more likely to say yes . hehe
My heart goes with the man, he should be treated that way and he deserves the truth and that should not be a secret. If I were her girlfriend, I would really be thankful for that precious thing since it’s a diamond ring and that is totally expensive. I wouldn’t ask for more because I have him and I am not a material girl.
If the girl wants a biiger stone she should tell her fiance and they maybe they can either share the remaining price or the man will pay for it as long as he know what she really wants.
I dont think a man will just go and buy a diamond ring without asking his fiance’s opinion or perhaps his closest friends unless he knows what the best for his girlfriend…
would you want a guy that can’t support the family?
If some would offer such ring to me i would definitely say yes with out any deliberation lol… because i guess beautiful ring in the key to open the door of new world called marriage.
It’s only full-on Biatches (is that how you spell it?) who would do a secret upgrade – Why can’t they be happy with the fact that someone wants to enter into a commitment with them – Even if they are deceitful little madams! And I’m not a guy either! if someone did that to me and I was a guy I would feel pretty peed off to be honest.
Well I think it’s funny! Seriously – why do you all take it so seriously? Come on, it’s very human – rather endearing really.
So long as she isn’t borrowing the guy’s credit card and doing it on her own?
oh wow! That’s kind of sad but women are sneaky-so I guess I’m not that surprised. Still, I think a woman should be happy with what her future husband has to offer.
Eek, that is like cheating on your spouse, you should stick with the first ring I feel. It is not all about the ring, it is the thought that counts in a relationship.I would not exchange or upgrade a ring, it is borderline a sign of cheating.
A lie is a lie and this is a wonderful way to start a life together. Lies can happen of course and its usually to spare feeings. This example is a purposeful and deliberate push to be deceitful. Ditch the chick.
Although some says it’s just a ring..there is trust issues involve here by lying and cheating. If a woman accepts the marriage proposal, they should learn to live with what the guy has to offer in life. Love is not just about material things, usually intangible things are more important in life. I am happy with my engagement ring as far as I am concern, I am happy and contented with the life my fiance and I have.
Ok so I didn’t secretly upgrade but I can see where its ok, I mean she wants bigger but he is clueless about what it means to her. My original ring has since been replaced by hubby & I together & he said “I guess I should have just taken you with me all those years ago cuz it would have saved me the headache & you are the 1 that has to wear it.” I wasn’t exactly thrilled or disappointed with my ring but I had my own ideas.
Fiance and I plans to upgrade my engagement ring after 5 years at the same time for maintenance as well. No big deal because we’re planning to give it anyway to my future son’s fiancee. No sneaky moves for us because we are satisfied with how it looks like and there is more to life than the ring.
Regardless of having a ring or w/o a ring, I would have married my husband. Of course it is so nice to to show off some sparkling bling but there are more important things in married than just focusing on the ring. I encountered one incident where her hubby gave her a 2k engagement ring only to find out he’s cheating on her behind her fiancee’s back.
This seems fair to me, actually: if the future wife wants to upgrade to a bigger rock than the groom can, and/or wants to afford, than it seems only right that she should be the one to pay for that.
Also: it seems to me that it would be an empowering experience for the woman to go against convention and take matters into her own hands.
sorry, am confused. is the chick paying for the upgrade, or is she putting the additional cost on the guy’s card? and sorry if that’s a dumb question but i’m a working girl and just naturally assumed a woman can afford her own sh*t these days. so, if she’s paying for the upgrade herself then why not; but if she’s secretly using his money to do that, way sketch!
I don’t think you should secret if you are upgrading a ring but if it needs to be done it should be done. Your future spouse can only guess what kind of ring you want to wear every day for the rest of your life. Plus im sure he will appreciate the honesty
I think it was wrong of her to just walking into the store and demanded the diamond to be bigger. The groom just spend 75% of his account to pay for it and the bride is not satisfied with it? He should just leave her because she is not in love with him if she isn’t in love with her ring. Materialistic fool. It’s just starting the marriage wrong. These things should be talked about before going back to the store. What happen to I’ll get you a larger stone later. View our extensive collection of Loose certified diamonds
Fun read, that reminded me of another site similar to that one, check it outEngagement Ring Secret
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I don’t get why everyone is being so defensive, the woman obviously loves the guy that’s why she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings, you can’t help what you like, or feel comfortable in. If my fiance got me a shirt that was too big or small, it’s the thought and the effort that count, I’d go to the store and get a size that fit me….no big deal. I don’t think that makes me materialistic. I understand a ring is different from a shirt, but you wear a ring every day for the rest of your life..so in a way…it does kind of suck to know what you are comfortable with, and what you like/want…so to get no say in that …i mean i can see where you are 100% greatful, and thankful to the guy and you love him, and respect him for spending his money etc. but if it’s not what you want and you don’t want him to get his feelings hurt…i don’t think it’s as big of a deal as people are making it…
I agree that people are being way too hard on this girl. I mean, “If she doesn’t love the ring than she doesn’t love him.” What?! THAT is materialistic. Sure…she shouldn’t be lying to him. She should say, “Honey, I love that you were so thoughtful and that you love me so much to spend so much money on this, but would you mind if I spent my own money on an upgrade?” If he loves her, than he would want her to be happy and have the ring that most suits her taste. And if his feelings would be hurt over something as small as a ring, then he needs to toughen up a bit because marriage is hard and couples who are over-sensitive about arbitrary things like jewelry will have a hard time dealing with the real trials that virtually every marriage will face at some point. My (recent) fiancee and our 10 year old daughter (clearly we’re pretty non-traditional) picked out my engagement ring together, so it has a great deal of sentimental value to me. However, it’s quite flashy and just really not my style, and it was quite a bit more expensive than the one that I’ve had my eye on. So, I plan to purchase the one that I want myself, and save the other one to give to her someday as a right-hand ring…..a symbol of her individuality whether she decides to marry or not. There is no reason that I shouldn’t get to wear the ring that I find aesthetically pleasing, and to the one who claims that the woman does not love the man if she doesn’t love the ring, would you suggest that I do not love my daughter simply because she helped pick out a ring that isn’t my style? Of course not. The ring is just that….a ring……and whether or not we decide to exchange, upgrade, or purchase a second one says NOTHING about the worth of the relationship.